apparently the secret to your success is patron
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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