Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
