wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
