went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
