smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
