I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize