just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
