I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
