If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
