Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
