There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
