we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize