Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
