I can tuck mytits in my pants
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
