i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
