I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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