Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize