you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
