I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
