when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize