Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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