i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
