Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
