Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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