You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
