his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My ATM looks so different sober.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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