Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
