when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize