Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
