Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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