just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
