i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
