My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
