don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
