Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
