Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just blew my weed a kiss
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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