My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
