hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
