Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
