Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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