You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
