Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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