Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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