No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Come back. Shots need mouths.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
