I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
