Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize