But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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