I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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