im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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