My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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