I'm going to jail i love you
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
