We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
