i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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