smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We are all done wearing pants today
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
