Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize