In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize