And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
