somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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