Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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