so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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