I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
