Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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