Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
