So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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