the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Did I show you my penis last night?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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