I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
