oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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