I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
