you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
