I could make wine with my vomit
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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