just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize