Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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