Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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