Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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