What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
