Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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