I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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