So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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