i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
