I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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