we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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