I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
