I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
