You just made me feel so damn special
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
