It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
