True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
