dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
