it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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