I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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