somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
