Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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