dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
