i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
