Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
