Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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