You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
